On Purpose and Evolution

The evolution algorithm tells us that if a certain member of group adapts in a certain way that is in any aspect considered better, this member is most likely to teach this knowledge to his/hers offspring. That merges with the idea that knowledge is power and that adaptation is key to survival.

I truly love those concepts, they are very central in how I view life in general, in a way to me that is close to the comprehension of the Divine. It is like our genetics and skills passed to us by our parents plus personal behaviour and how we use the acquired information and skills (natural or not) are this enormous Mastermind that direct the continuation of the human species on Earth. When I was more connected to spiritual thoughts I would call this the perfect mix of destiny (genetics and the environment you are born in, nothing you can do about that) and free will (your ability to decide how to use what was given to you to decide your own path). Ok, so We have established that, that is the core of my belief in how existence happens, but now we go to the difficult part. Why?

Why should we survive? What is the purpose of us being here?

Honestly I believe what is godly like is this immense Mastermind of us all that combines choices, genetics and the way we are brought up. But why?

Let’s say I am “blessed”. I was born in a functioning an wealthy family. I am intelligent, pretty and I made wise decisions while growing up. I decided to study something useful to me, to the world and I made good money by doing so. Ok, I have succeeded and now what? Should I just keep the wheel spinning and procreate so my children will too be very like to succeed in their own lives?  What is the use of it all? Where do we go from here?

Some people believe we are going to die and be born again. Let’s work with that. So I will die and then do all over again and again and again. Why? It does feel like the work of Sisyphus, who during the day would roll up a rock all the way to the top border of a cliff only for the rock to fall again and the same procedure to start next morning. According to the Greek mythology rolling up the rock was a horrible punishment that this person received and it lasted for ever!  So, it is exactly like that, one spends their whole life rolling up the rock and then dies and has to start it all over again. The Buddhists say that after a while you can remove yourself from the Samsara (wheel of life) and go to a higher dimension. What do you do in that higher dimension? Is it a dimension with no death or do you go on being born and dying a few years later,  just like here? Let’s say you are never going to die again, so you are in an eternal state of existence with no movement, no change, no evolution, how boring is that?  And if you keep being born it is just like this dimension the only difference is that you might have a less meaty look, being all ghostly and ephemeral.

Other people think they are going to this perfect and eternal place where they are going to exist forever as the people they were when alive, keeping their identity.  Again, a life with no change, no movement, no evolution, just a steady and happy (?) existence throughout eternity. Does that sound appealing to you? To anyone? Some religions, even say you are going to receive never ending milk, honey and virgins. Ok, I get that those items were very valued in the past and some who could invent a religion today maybe would promise Iphones, delicious and expensive dishes and well accomplished sex workers. Well taste does change but the childishness of promising someone what they feel is most valuable to them does not. Actually, I think that was quite easy to do in the past, nobody ever came back to tell the others there was no milk in Heaven. 

My point being, what is the true purpose? Even for those who believe they are going to this perfect mystical place or for those who believe they will be reincarnated, do any of the choices sound appealing to you? Why should one go on doing that, what is the wanted consequence for a whole life of effort. What are the VERY long term goals in life?

For example, Why are you doing your PHD? To get a better job. Why do you want a better job? To make more money. Why do you want to make more money? To buy things that make me happy and provide for my family. Why do you need those things or why does your family? To know I have a successful life. Why do you want to be successful? To be envied? (so the answer to life would be vanity) to leave something behind? (vanity again) to not have problems when you are old? (so you are looking after yourself).

There is no conclusion, there are reasons but when you achieve the consequence nothing has meaning, nothing really matters. It is like we are all adrift in a sea of meaninglessness. 

Appearance and perception

For some reason it became inappropriate to be honest about first impressions and how they impact decisions and daily life. I think if some people knew how they are perceived a great percentage of them would change part of their look. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about judging someone on their looks, it is about being judged on your looks and nobody can escape from that. There are great books about that, about how one can alter someone’s perception of you.

Sometime ago I saw this article about what women were looking for in dating networks. This very same guy had three profiles on. In one of them he had a picture where he was dressed on a suit and tie, the other one was very sporty, wearing a baseball cap, shorts and a nice t-shirt, in the third one he was dressed as a chef. All the profiles got responses but the favourite by far was the business suit one. I am not here to discuss why women preferred that very same guy wearing formal clothes, but it is undeniable that he had been perceived differently. Some women who chose to get in touch with this very formally dressed guy, or who portrayed himself like that, would not go out with the other two (the sports guy and the chef).

It also becomes very obvious when a person is stopped on the Immigration line for “no reason”. A friend of mine who works with artists noticed that when artists entered a certain country the ones from a certain age group were always held up.

The bad thing is that it is impossible to control what the viewer sees. For a very long time I tried to do that, only to fail. When one sees someone he or she doesn’t only see them with their eyes, they see with all their previous experiences, so if they had a problem with people dressing, looking or behaving a certain way and you happen to have something in common with that, the viewer will be predisposed to think that you and that person are two peas in a pot.

I do try to manipulate that a bit. If I am meeting someone and I do wish to cause a certain impression, I dress not how I think it is appropriate, I try to put myself in that person’s shoes and I think “what would someone with that background would consider appropriate for this occasion?” Obviously, it is impossible to know personal experiences that person may have had, but on the other hand it is ok to generalize a bit, for example, If meeting older people I would recommend dressing more formally and showing less skin, if meeting someone whom you know to be very laid back, be a bit laid back yourself, but don’t try too hard or it looks fake. Anyways, like I said, I try to make the best of it but I am not sure I hit the target every time and also there are some elements of my look that I refuse to change, I just love it, even when I am aware it can be harmful to the way I want to be perceived.

Who are you  when nobody is watching?

I notice that people who seem quite normal in real life tend to be mean when they think they will not get caught. You can see that if you log on to Second Life, for example. The thought that people are worse than they seem has been haunting me for a few weeks now and after some days of melancholy, I am ready to talk about it.

One of my best friends, who is an Atheist, was once asked the following question: Since he didn’t believe in God, what kept him from killing, robbing or raping? My friends answer was: “So believing that someone will punish you if you kill, rob or rape is the only reason why you don’t do it?” What kind of world is this? What kinds of people are that, that must have a higher punisher not to behave in such a despicable manner?

Like I said, for weeks I felt bad, and lost my faith in mankind. Also I notice that when people think they will not get caught they don’t work and they overcharge. The weird part is that some “normal” intelligent people think that it is ok to charge differently according to what the seller believes to be the ability to pay of the buyer. For example, a few of my friends went to a certain Burger King abroad, I mean it was the burger King! They were having difficulties converting the local currency into anything they could understand, and the cashier kept saying that everything was ten US dollars. Well, obviously it was not, since there were different prices on the board. They left, and after getting the hang of the money they converted the prices only to find out the most expensive meal was around five dollars. Ten dollars is not a lot of money, but I don’t think the cashier did that to save them time, and that’s the sad part.

Why is dishonesty so common and so well accepted by society? When did our parents stop teaching us that stealing is wrong not because God will punish you if you steal, but because it is inherently wrong and we should do the right thing.

I was trying to remember who wrote the Myth of the Noble Savage, it was Rousseau, according to him, in a nutshell, everyone is born inherently good, and society corrupts their inner self. I don’t know if I agree with that, but that is certainly going to be another post.

Expectation and Satisfaction

You go home, you see this chocolate syrup sitting on your chicken table, you take a big spoon only to find out it was actually thick Worcestershire sauce, the bottle was broken and someone decided to put it in a container. That has actually never happened to me, I am in the 2% of the world who doesn't like or eat chocolate, no matter what, but I bet you could taste the sauce when you read it. The weird thing is that you may like Worcestershire sauce but it is disappointing when you expect something else.  People are deluded that surprises are always welcome; I think most people dislike surprises; they want to receive what they expect in all aspects of life. Sometimes even a good surprise is a bad surprise, like when your boyfriend goes to the office to pick you up for a surprise romantic evening and you have cramps, and your deep, deep wish is to be able to go home early crawl to bed and disappear, but of course you don’t have the heart to do that, so it will be a night of suffering maybe even for both of you.  Because maybe he is doing that because you complained he was not spontaneous enough, he didn't do things by himself and he never surprised you nicely. Oh well, the joke is on you then. My advice is try to make the best of it, enjoy the evening so it will happen again and hopefully next time it does, you are in a better shape to enjoy it.

On work and procrastination

I love myself when I don’t procrastinate, in those rare days that I have many things to do at work and do them all, I feel like super-me, juggling work, personal life and leisure all at once in an incredibly efficient way. And then I have normal days, when I come to work feeling like death, I turn on my computer and doing what’s right (and sometimes quite simple) seems extremely painful, but updating my facebook status or reading my emails and news are so effortless. And then life piles up and I feel I am swallowed by work, the more I have, the worse to start. I go home feeling like shit, knowing I could have done much better if only I had made this little initial effort. I call it trigger effort; it is like when you look down to a swimming pool and you know the pool is going to be cold so you don’t want to dive. But you know that once inside the water, you will feel amazing and after one minute the water will no longer feel cold to your skin.

Well it is like in most things in my life, even the things I enjoy. I could do so much more both pleasurable and work related stuff if I just actually did it. The worst part is that when I am not doing it, I don’t feel happy. It keeps bugging me in the back of my mind and last Friday I actually dreamed about the work I had left undone (nothing urgent, thankfully)

In so many things in life you don’t know how you are supposed to behave. This is so clear. Being efficient makes me happy and makes everybody else happier too. (My employer, my employees, my partner, my mum!)

So why don’t I do it? Why is this lethargic energy so strong? I keep disappointing myself. Maybe I should try to live by those twelve steps programs that people use for alcoholism. Maybe I should think: - I am just going to do this little thing, and after ten little things reward myself with a little treat like a small cup of coffee.

I choose to choose

It is actually a choice I make every day when I wake up: I choose to be honest, I choose to be kind to others, I choose to be happy and I choose to expect the best from everyone.

Living life is not as difficult as some people might make you think, it is just a matter of doing what’s right for YOU and sticking to YOUR principles, whatever they are. There is no universal truth and no silver bullets in life. Make the choices you feel comfortable with and stick to them.

Can you live in the present too much?

My dear friend tells me that what’s in right now is reading about fully living in the present. Carpe diem or hakuna matata stuff. The idea, behind it, is that you should not live from the past, if you do so you are constantly depressed and longing for something that is already gone, but also you cannot live from the future because then your anxiety levels will reach the sky. Well I have lived for the day for around 7 years now.

As a teenager I remember living for the future, I felt I was preparing to become the true me. Aside from school I learned foreign languages also a bit about music, nutrition and finance. Then I decided what career I wanted and to reach it I had to take an exam and interview. I got the job! I was given what was 85% the job of my dreams. I had to move from my hometown. Once I got to this new city never again I felt the need to do anything that was not immediate. I would work and feel pleasure working and then go home and truly enjoy being home or going out with friends. To me it was liberating, it felt as I was finally ready to live my life. Anyways, it’s been seven years. Since then I have serious problems doing anything that is not pleasurable or anything that takes me longer than a week to finish. It is difficult for me to go back to learning languages, or even apply for a master’s degree or a second degree. Someone I know once told me I was in honeymoon with myself, with my life. It is so true; I adore my life, my way of life.

So I disagree a little bit with the mainstream thought. I already feel the side effects of living in the present too much. When you do that you don’t really accomplish anything anymore. You have to live a little bit in the future to endure studying hard again. Otherwise, It is like it is over for you, you reached your full potential, and that’s horrible. I want to be like those very old guys who go back to university and write books at the age of 90. But it is so painful to give up, so painful to give up my pleasure for something that is not here now.

So, unlike most, I WANT to obsess about my future. That would give me the strength to start something new, to reinvent myself. 

Comfort and loneliness

I now think that comfort is the key word for us. We all want to be comforted somehow, either by a belief, a partner, a parent, a friend and finally when having nothing and nobody else at that moment, we want to be comforted by ourselves. Recently I spoke to a therapist who told me that being lonely was not the same as being alone. Being lonely would involve suffering and pain whereas being alone was just great company; it was all about being with oneself. I live with my partner and I am never ever alone, not even when I want to be. I like to be alone at times, and when I do, I don’t feel lonely. But the way she said it made me realize that it was something she had previously given a lot of thought, and one only thinks a lot about things that bother him or her deeply. I would never say it to her face, but to me she is a lonely lady who fools herself thinking she is not lonely, she is just in the great company of herself. Don’t get me wrong, maybe she is a great person and truly great company. I just think that anybody who goes through all these mind processes and word selections to make a point to oneself is not at peace on that matter. It is like when I asked my brother about God and he had no opinion on the matter because he just didn’t care for the subject, it truly meant nothing to him, it is just something that he didn’t have to think about. He was at peace with that. The therapist on the other hand is one lonely lady.

Do we need to have a religion? Does mankind need religion in general?

I keep asking myself and frankly so far I do not have a good answer. All sorts of religions, honestly, sound very childish to me (no offence meant) and it is really weird to believe that some people actually tie their purpose to something as impalpable as religion. To me it feels like a club, either you are part of it or you are not. I mean who is anyone to say the guy who is Hindu or Buddhist is wrong and the Christians or Catholics are right. There are so many beliefs, so many symbols, so many rituals. In a way I feel that any religion is important to a certain community, family, group in general. Those people enjoy living by those rules even when it doesn't benefit them, simply because it is just so much more simple not to decide your life. When you outsource and you have a rabbi, priest or whoever telling you how to live your life you don't have to think, to make decisions, to suffer. Because even when following what your wisdom guy says makes you suffer, you do have the comfort of knowing you are following the rules, so you are "right". Anyways, in short, it is easy to have a religion, you just read your manual (Bible, Torah, Koran...) and abide by the rules.